Facing Truths
by The Thirteenth Councilor
Summary: [oneshot] John Mandrake is hearing voices inside his head. But he’s NOT insane. Besides, disembodied voices don’t ALWAYS know what they’re talking about. Do they?


Sort of a metaphor for the Mandrake vs. Nathaniel argument that rages in his subconscious, affecting his decisions. Melodramatic, I know. I thought this up and wrote it in like half an hour. Nathaniel may be the shmeensiest widdle bit OOC, but just deal.

Disclaimer en Français: Je ne posséde pas le Bartimaeus Trilogy. Comprendez-vous? Je ne suis pas le propriétaire.

Facing Truths

John Mandrake hurried through the vast halls, nearly causing a small girl toting a huge stack of papers to topple. **Who cares?** he thought upon seeing her frantic efforts to pick up the fallen papers and hurry on her way. She's just a beginner. **Se can't do anything about it. I, on the other hand, have connections. Power.**

_You're also a stuck-up, arrogant bastard_, said another, smaller voice inside his head.

**What? Am not!**

_Are, too! You don't care in the least about anyone but yourself. Remember when you were as helplessly pathetic as that kid you just plowed over?_

**No.**

_Well I do. And you most likely would've burst into tears. But you've changed. That was before.  
_  
**Before what? **

_Before I was gone. _

**What do you mean? Who are you? **

_Nathaniel. _

**What? But I'm Nathaniel.**

_You used to be. Now you're Mandrake._

**What's the difference? **

_'What's the difference?' Are you kidding? You seriously can't see?  
_  
**You're starting to sound like Bartimaeus.**

_Yes, that would be because I have a sense of humor. _

**Whatever. Just. . . go away. **

_No. _

**What do you mean, 'no'? **

_I mean no. I can't go away. I'm a part of you. _

**What are you talking about? **

_However much of a bastard you get, I'll still be here. I haven't changed. You can't change me. Nothing can. _

**Okay. Nice to know. . . Are you gone yet? **

_See, that's what I mean by arrogant bastard. You always want what's best for you._

**And what's wrong with that?**

_You're not everybody, Mandrake. You're just you._

**No shit, Sherlock.**

_So what's best for you isn't always best for everybody else._

**So what?  
**  


So you hurt other people!

**Name one time I've ever hurt anyone by putting myself first.  
**  
_When Lovelace Killed the Underwoods._

**That wasn't my fault! Bartimaeus led Lovelace to the house!  
**  
_And who summoned Bartimaeus? Just to get back at someone?_

**. . .Oh. But that was just one time. And I confessed and everything. It's not as if I knowingly, purposely killed them, or anything.  
**  
_Okay, then. What about Kitty Jones?_

**What? **

_Kitty Jones._

**What did I ever do to her?  
**  
_I'm not even going to dignify that with a response._

**But. . . But it wasn't my fault. **

_Whatever. You just keep telling yourself that._

**It wasn't! **

_Sure, sure. Whatever you say. _

**Well what the hell did she think was going to happen? She tackled a golem, for goodness' sake.  
**  
_And why exactly did she tackle the golem?_

**Well, for. . . sort of for me.**

_Sort of?_

**Okay, okay. She tackled the golem to save my life. Happy, now? **

_She tackled the golem to save your life after you did. . . what?_

**Btrdhr.**

_Sorry, I didn't quite catch that._

**Btrdhr.**

_What? _

**. . .I betrayed her, okay? She saved my life, then I hunted her out and betrayed her, and then she saved my life again! And then she. . . then she. . . But she punched me! And it hurt! A lot!  
**  
_Oh, boo hoo. She suffered a heroic death, and you got one measly punch. Suck it up, buttercup._

**Fine. Just. . . fine. I get it now. I. . . might've made a few bad choices. **

_'A few bad choices'? _

**Well, maybe more than a few. Maybe I can be sort of an arrogant bastard, sometimes. Happy? **

_Yes._**__**

So will you leave me alone, now?

_Why do you want me to?_

**I don't know.  
**  
_I know. It's because you're in denial._

**Ridiculous! Of what?**

_You don't want to admit that I've influenced you. But I have._

**I. . . I know.  
**  
Nathaniel sighed, and walked back to the little girl to help her with her papers.

So how'dya like it? Please review, even if just to make me feel special.


End file.
